we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
