I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
