I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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