thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize