My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
we should paint friendship bongs
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
