worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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