splinters make it hard to masturbate
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I want her autograph on my taint
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize