dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Girls should come with a carfax report
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
