Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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