I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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