hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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