i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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