The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
