I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
