wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize