its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
