We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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