yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
