she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
