i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
