how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
