Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Threesome in a minivan. New low
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
