i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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