Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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