okay pat passed out under dana's car
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
