did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
