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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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