Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
