Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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