Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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