i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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