He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
