I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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