a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
