ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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