Having a random hookup so left but love u
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
