i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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