This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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