Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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