yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
