You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
