i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Randomize
