Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
