Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
