I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
