I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
