so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My vagina just clenched in fear
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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