I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
