my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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