omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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