yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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