dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
