I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
