I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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