also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
