why didn't you poke me back
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
