The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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