You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
