My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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