I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
