i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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