i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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