if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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