High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
