He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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