Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Life is so much better after having sex.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize