Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize