And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
