the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
