Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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