So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
